Every Bardic college graduate can agree: comedy has many uses. Ice breaker, team building moment, diversion… cringe creator! But cracking jokes in Dungeons & Dragons is easier said than done.
Be ye Dungeon Master Dad or silver-tongued Rogue, these 100+ funny D&D jokes will have you covered for all your tabletop tomfoolery needs. How will you wield your wit? Read and ROFL on!
Dungeons and Dragons Jokes for Tasha’s Hideous Laughter
Need a little help spouting clever jests each time you cast Tasha’s Hideous Laughter? Enter our DIY joke generator for all you sassy spell slingers!
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So, get out your d20s and put on your cloak and yuckster hats:
- What do you call a caster reincarnated as a canine? A labracadabrador!
- If we were fighting an undead centaur, would we be beating a dead horse?
- Why couldn’t the dragonborn Barbarian enter a rage? He had e-reptile dysfunction.
- What time do elves like to have lunch? Twelvish.
- Why are dwarves such good stone workers? Because they never take anything for granite.
- What did the airship pirates name their vessel? The ethereal plane.
- What did the wanted poster for the escaped halfling Divination Wizard say? Small medium at large.
- Why did the lisping, drow Bard tell a bad joke? For the Lolth.
- What do you need to roll to hit a kobold with a frying pan? A skillet check.
- What did the Fighter say to the Ranger when they were sneaking by an Iguanodon? “Do you think he saurus?”
- A Tree Blight covered in bacon jumps out of the forest at you. It’s a ham-bush!
- What do you call a celestial warrior with an incredibly soothing voice? An ASMR Paladin.
- Beauty is in the eye of the beholder… Roll a Dexterity save, Beauty; it’s firing a Disintegration Ray at you!
- What causes a Lich’s muscles to get sore after working out? Phy-lactic acid.
- I made a set of plate armor and a helmet for my pet duck. It’s nothing fancy, but it fits the bill.
- Lance may be an uncommon name these days, but not that long ago, people were named Lance a lot.
- What do you call a goblin in a sock? A hop-goblin.
- How many elves does it take to light a candle? Just one. Turns out they are good for something!
- The tavern band fired their half-elf drummer because she couldn’t keep a beat. So they replaced her with a metro-gnome.
- Adventures walk into a tavern and drop a bag of equipment on the bar. Barkeep asks, “What’s with all the weapons?” Adventures say, “We’re searching for mimics.” The tavern keeper laughs, the party laughs, the table laughs.
And here’s twenty more:
- What do you call a caster who makes condiments? A saucerer.
- Did you hear about the Bard who became a farmer? Now she can turnip the music and drop the beet.
- What does a storm giant wear under his robes? Thunderwear.
- Did you hear about the Rogue who was participating in the mind flayers’ shady trade of aroma therapy oils? She was explicitly complicit in illicit Illithid lipids.
- What do you call a Rogue with demonic parentage? A thief-ling.
- I haven’t seen our lady Bard since the Wizard cast Invisibility on her in our last battle. She’s miss-signin’ action.
- Our Cleric took some time off to visit her mom, but when she ran into a bunch of undead on the way it really put a dhampir on her vacation.
- Why did the pirate teach his parrot insults? So it could cast Vicious Macaw-ry.
- One time I met a priest who was cursed and couldn’t cast Create Water. I told him to get well soon.
- What magic artifact summons a wardrobe full of wizardly robes in a variety of cuts and colors? A Wand of Mage Armoire.
- Did you hear about the singing adventurer whose specialty is casting Freedom of Movement? He’s a No-Holds Bard.
- What do you call a halfling with the head of a bull? Mini-taur.
- Did you hear about the Wizard who gained 5 stone while studying Divination? He became a four-chin teller.
- Our Warlock was recently cursed with silence, but we keep her in the group because a mime is a terrible thing to waste.
- Why do Paladins require 8 hours of rest to regain spells when Wizards only need 4? Because they need a good knights sleep.
- Did you know fire elementals are vulnerable to beholder eye beams and medusa petrification? Just remember: in case of fire, use stares.
- What magical artifact summons a large kitchen workspace? A Wand of Counterspell.
- What do you call a rodent that contracts vampirism? A mouse-quito.
- How does a Druid defend himself? With a good berry-er.
- What do you call a magic sword that always tells the truth, even if it’s hurtful? A blunt weapon.
More, you say? You want more?!
- Why do dragons hate knights? They’re all muscle and just so hard to peel…
- What do you call an aarakocra Cleric? A bird of pray.
- What holiday do Bards, Paladins, Sorcerers, and Warlocks all celebrate? Charismas.
- Why did the vampire fall in love with the Wizard? Because the Wizard was a neck-romancer.
- What do you call a half horse, half human Monk? A zen-taur.
- What’s a Rogue’s favorite metal? Steel.
- An elf, a human, and an orc walk into a bar. The halfling just walks underneath it.
- What do you call a Bard from the feywilds with great hair? Elvish Presley.
- Why couldn’t the Bard seduce the gelatinous cube? It was a platonic solid.
- How many Rogues does it take to light a candle? None, thieves’ cant.
- Why did the Bard multi-class as a Necromancer? He wanted to become a famous plaguewright.
- Did you hear about the satyr and the mermaid who got divorced? They had different ideas about getting their kid into school.
- Why do loxodons make excellent Monks? They really know how to pach a punch.
- What do you call a Wizard who spouts misleading, biased information of a political nature? Propagandalf.
- Why did the Cleric gain proficiency in cobbler’s tools? Because she wanted to save soles.
- Where do Rangers buy their bows and arrows? Target.
- What’s an aarakocra’s favorite drink? Birbon.
- Why did the Wizard give the bartender a Wish spell for a drink? A djinn for a gin seemed like a fair trade.
- What do you call a nasty little gremlin creature that practices blood magic? A hemo-goblin.
- Why couldn’t the fire elemental get into the dance club? No firearms allowed.
D&D Jokes for Bards
The above goofs are versatile, but Bards can always use more e-quip-ment for their joke arsenal!
There’s the Cutting Words class feature which allows you to react with acerbic wit and decrease the chance an opponent will land their hit, reduce their damage, and more. Vicious Mockery allows you to inflict actual damage with your puns, and Tasha’s Hideous Laughter makes your foes stop drop and ROFL.
With so many opportunities for jokes, you’ll certainly get use out of our list of 100+ Cutting Words Insults & Vicious Mockery Insults for Bards!
If you need a bit of Bardic wit in a hurry though, try this in-browser app DnD Bard Tools. Here’s a quick sampling of one-liners to tickle your +1 longsword:
- Why do Bards go on adventures? For the lute.
- Personally, I think that a stealthy Rogue is the hottest thing out there, but most people just don’t see it.
- So a halfling walks into a bar … wait there’s no punchline here. Must have been a pretty low bar though.
D&D Class Jokes
And sometimes you need just the right joke for a particular character or occasion. Below we’ve organized some of our very favorite class-themed laughs.
D&D Barbarian Jokes
- Why can’t Barbarians keep their hands off their axes? All that cleavage.
- What is a Barbarian’s favorite role in combat? Mid-rage support.
D&D Bard Jokes
- Why did the Bard go to the temple for a Remove Curse spell? How else was he going to get a divorce?!
- A fighter, a cleric, and a wizard are arguing about who can eliminate monsters the best. “I can slice and dice them with my weapons” says the fighter. “I can have my god smite someone” says the cleric. “I can take them out from miles away” says the wizard. The bard smirks and says, “I can get three chumps to defeat them for me.”
D&D Cleric Jokes
- What is a Cleric’s favorite drink? Divini-tea.
- How many clerics does it take to fix a lamp? Just one to cast Cure Light.
D&D Druid Jokes
- I’d love to tell you a joke about this Druid girl that only eats plants, but you’ve probably never heard of herbivore.
- Why was the Druid arranging chipmunks by heights thrown out of the forest? They didn’t appreciate his critter-sizing.
D&D Fighter Jokes
- Fighter? I hardly know her!
- Now that the Fighter can cast Arcane spells, he’s running a side gig as an aerial shuttle driver when the bars close. It’s a real fly-by-Eldritch-Knight sort of operation.
D&D Monk Jokes
- What was the Monk farmer’s favorite move? Flurry of Plows.
- Can a monk catch a ninja star in mid air? Shuriken!
D&D Paladin Jokes
- The Paladin takes her wagon to the mechanic. “Every time I drive, I get the urge to run over pedestrians!” she tells him. The mechanic takes a look under it and says “Here’s the problem: your alignment is off.”
- How many Paladins does it take to light a candle? Two, one to light it and another to “uphold the light.”
D&D Ranger Jokes
- What type of attacks does a crazy Ranger with a bow make? De-ranged!
- I once knew a Ranger with anxiety over where to put their arrows. It made them quiver.
D&D Rogue Jokes
- Why do Rogues wear leather armor? Because it’s made of hide.
- What do you call a Rogue with a lot of hit points? A CON-man.
D&D Sorcerer Jokes
- What do you say to the dragon that can’t breathe fire? “Hey! Spit out our Sorcerer!”
- What is a tabaxi Sorcerer’s favorite spell? Furrball.
D&D Warlock Jokes
- How many Warlocks does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but he has to take a short rest after.
- You should try playing Call of Cthulhu. You’d have an Eldritch Blast!
D&D Wizard Jokes
- Why didn’t the Wizard finish his Divination degree? He was ex-spelled.
- Why are all Wizards in the Necromancy school so buff? Because they do so much deadlifting!
D&D Knock Knock Jokes
Love a good knock knock joke? You and all the dwarven grandpas in Faerûn! Enjoy a few of our favorite wordy shenanigans that let you rope an unsuspecting audience member in on the punny fun:
- Knock knock.
A mimic, roll for initiative.
- Knock knock.
4d4 psychic damage from this bad joke!
- Knock knock.
Armageddon tired, let’s take a long rest to regain some spell slots.
D&D Dad Jokes
What the heck is a D&D dad joke anyway? Mix a pun with some dumb humor, add archaic music references, DnD rules, and a wagon load of groans. And boom! You’re in nerdy dad joke business.
Here’s some of the worst, most eye-roll inducing D&D dad jokes we could find:
- What do I know about gnomes? Very little.
- What is a DMs favorite dog breed? Plott Hound.
- A Sorcerer and Fighter are pecked by geese; the Rogue, ducks.
- Do you have a spare Phandelver? I lost mine.
- My Artificer made something awesome the other day. It’s a staff made of stone that can cast Haste and Teleport. HERE I AM! ROCK YOU WITH MY HURRY CANE!
- What do you call a goblin with 3 eyes? A gobliiin.
- If the Treant was sad, would the Shambling Mound photosympathize with it?
- Why did the Orc become a Ranger with a bird companion? She loved Orc Kestrel music.
- I wanted to make a kenku Druid, but my DM said no because it would be fowl magic.
- Mimics. Accept no imitations.
- Why wouldn’t the adventurers hire the triton Trickery Domain Cleric? He was too fishchievous.
- What kind of artifact will make your Italian grandmother magically appear? A Wand of Summon Familia.
- Where does the Steve Miller Band play D&D? From Phoenix, Arizona all the way to THAC0ma
D&D Yo Momma Jokes
Yo momma jokes are as venerable in the goof tradition as dad jokes, but ten times as mean! Hilarious good time, or Viscous Mockery? You decide!
Keep a few of these D&D yo momma jokes in your back pocket for all your Cutting Words needs:
- Yo momma is so brainless that she’d starve a Mind Flayer.
- Your mother is so easy that my nat 1 Charisma roll still got her into bed.
- What’s the difference between 3 rabid Owlbears and a joke? Your mom can’t take a joke.
- Yo mama’s so ugly, all creatures that can see her within 60 feet have to make a DC 30 Fortitude save or be nauseated.
- Your momma is so fat that if she fell even a Storm Giant would get a hernia trying to pick her up.
Funny D&D Jokes
Want to add more tabletop humor to your life in general? Use these choice gags for in-dungeon or IRL laughs:
- What do you call a mimic shaped like a barrel? The Cask of A-NOM-tillado
- Does drinking raw milk give you a bonus to Perception checks? Because nothing gets pasteurized.
- Why did the mimic disguise itself as a road? It was a sociopath.
- What does the Israelite Bard use to buff his party? Sephardic Inspiration!
- Why don’t Marxists play D&D? It doesn’t support the Working Class.
- Our DM is always abandoning plots and starting new campaigns. But it’s not her fault, she has ADHDnD.
- What’s a D&D player’s favorite drink? Natural twen-tea.
Conclusion: 100+ Funny D&D Jokes
Did some of our curated, 100+ funny D&D jokes make you laugh? Groan? Throw your device across the room in disgust? Excellent.
Whether you’re creating an evil mime BBEG, playing a stooge, or just are one we hope you found some cheer in these irreverent D&D wisecracks. Let the dice and the laughter roll, and happy punning!
For more D&D one-liners see our 70+ Dungeons & Dragons Pick Up Lines and 100+ Cutting Words Insults for Bards!
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Hi, I’m Emily, the tabletop gamer behind My Kind of Meeple. If this article helped you, I’d be honoured if you’d say, “Thanks!” with a £3 coffee on Ko-fi.